Are You Involved Enough In Youth Sports?

What do you want from your child’s youth sports organizations? What do you want from your child’s youth sports coaches? Do you want them to prepare your kid for the next level? Do you want them to teach your kid good sportsmanship? Do you want them to place winning ahead of having fun? If your child is a below average player, do you want him playing as much as the team’s superstar? Is it fair that the coach’s kid is usually playing a premier position even though yours is obviously a much better player?

Is it OK for the coaches to yell or would you prefer that they use the same tone as they would when asking for the mashed potatoes across the table? Is it alright with you that the travel teams are mostly filled with the kids of the coach’s best friends? Does it bother you even more that every parent knows it, but nothing is ever done to rectify the situation?

Are you intimidated by some of your child’s coaches? What I mean is: Are you worried about being labeled as a “complainer” or “problem parent”? And do you worry that a coach will hold your “discontentment” for his style against your child and make matters even worse?

Would you like it if your child’s head coach held a Parent/Coach Conference about a quarter of the way into the season? I’m not talking about the type of meeting he holds with the parents as a group before the season begins. How about 15 minutes alone with the coach in a prescheduled meeting? This way you are both prepared and the expectations are for a constructive session. It also sends the message to coaches that they can expect to be held accountable for their decisions up to that point. Did I throw you off by finally presenting a suggestion after so many questions?

Do some coaches and league organizers act as though they should not be questioned because THEY are the ones volunteering THEIR time for YOUR child? As my daughter, the social worker, would probably ask, “How does that make you feel?” Well, I’ll tell you how it makes me feel … actually I’m going to hold off on that one for now.

For as much as I adore, respect, and admire some youth sports coaches, there are others that I despise. And whether you live in Farmington, Manchester, Granby, or any of the other towns that I’m privileged enough to be read in, most of you in your respective areas would come up with the same lists of good coaches and bad coaches.

How can that possibly be? Why are they still coaching? And before I type another word, please understand the difference between a bad person and a bad coach. Obviously most bad youth coaches are not bad people just as not every good coach is a good person. One only has to look as far as Penn State or Syracuse in recent weeks for the most extreme illustrations of my point. For the purposes of our discussion, however, we are referring to very, very different circumstances.

The questions that I posed to you above are those that came to mind without spending an entire week obsessing over the subject. Do I have answers for all them? Have you been reading since day one? (If not you can go to Farmington.Patch.com and catch up!) Yes, I do have answers for all of them. They are not always the most popular among coaches. They also don’t resemble those of parents who think their children are among the less than 1% that will become professional football, basketball, or baseball players.

So how do you as a non-coaching parent get to have a voice in how some of these questions are answered? I’ve said it before in this column. I wrote it in my final newsletter. And I told a crowd of over 500 at my last youth football banquet a couple of Tuesdays ago: JOIN THE BOARD OF THE SPORT THAT YOUR CHILD IS PARTICIPATING IN.

I cannot stress to you enough how important it is to have the voices of non-coaching parents as a part of the decision-making process for these organizations. You, the non-coach, will almost always bring a fresh and less-biased perspective to any number of issues. Believe me. I’ve been there.

Can one parent change the philosophy and culture of a league? Not by tomorrow morning. Can you chip away little by little at the issues that need reform? Absolutely! A group of level-headed and concerned parents can become the yin to the establishment’s yang and interact within the greater whole as part of an energetic structure. And that is how we get our best results.

You want answers? You want change? You want accountability? Well, make the time, put in the thought and the effort needed, and let me know how it goes. Let me know if your own child doesn’t soon recognize some of your efforts and offer his own time and insight. It can become the most fantastic of bonding experiences!

Oftentimes, your lobbying may get stomped by opposing ideas. And you may even leave frustrated and angry. But as we teach our children: The effort, the fight, the involvement, and the pleasure of the pursuit are often as rewarding as a victory.

Oh, and to answer the above question of, “How does that make you feel?” It makes me feel like I need to get more involved. Are you IN?