All of my past failures were in preparation for meeting you.
~Sean Connery's character in The Russia House
Life should allow do-overs. If you don't get something right the first time and really mess it up, you should be allowed to do it over and get it right the next time. How many of us get things right the first time?
I over-think things. And that has so often gotten in my way. I wish now that I had told you that. And that you really were wonderful to me. And that I knew you had extended yourself. And that I realized it — all of it.
At the time. And now.
But how do you say that to someone when you're busy thinking that if you did say that you'd ruin it all. And it really was lovely and I didn't want to ruin it all.
And me not asking questions. It is how I am. I don't ask, not out of disinterest but, rather, out of a sense that people will tell me what they'd like, what they feel comfortable telling me. I can't stand being interrogated myself so tend not to do that to others. Youself especially. So please do not take my reticence as disinterest. It wasn't.
But I have been thinking of all you told me. I am like that. I listen and then come back to it weeks later and think I'd love to hear more, if only I get the chance. You have to bear with me — I am not quick on the uptake. I guess I never have been nor will ever be. But I am reflective and have been thinking much about you.
Again, I'd love to have a do-over. And I'd love to show you all the places I had alluded to that you never inquired further about. Hopefully I will get that chance. How lovely that will be.
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