The Real Fake Jeff Butler Comes Clean

He was born a mere four days ago out of admiration for FakeCTLight, Fake Rahm Emanuel and Fake Steve Jobs — the self-described "Fake COO of the most reviled utility company in the Northeast."

Meet FakeJeffButler — a Twitter handle that hilariously and acerbically operates as the fake alter ego of the president and chief operating officer of Connecticut Light & Power, Jeffrey D. Butler.

@FakeJeffButler began Tweeting Nov. 2 and already has 398 followers and 754 Tweets.

Some highlights:

• FakeJeffButler @ @doatepicurean I deny all allegations that I show favoritism to people who send me foie gras and expensive Bordeaux.
• FakeJeffButler   Turns out I live in 1.6m house with a wine cellar and a 4 car garage. Feeling like I could have done better. Salary still undisclosed. Win!
• FakeJeffButler   Bristol car dealership is talking about suing me. Unless its a Mercedes dealer, #talktojeffyshand.
• FakeJeff Butler @ @kristencusato actually my golden parachute is woven by starving African children.
• FakeJeffButler   Another presser with Dannel. Thinking I shouldn't have had those 3 McRibs for breakfast.
• FakeJeffButler   The fact that Bolton remains 81% without power has absolutely nothing to do with my feelings about Michael Bolton.I celebrate his catalogue
• FakeJeffButler I am insulted @bobenglehart portrayed me so crudely in this cartoon: courant.com/news/opinion/c… I would never wear a white polo shirt!

• FakeJeffButler If you are thinking about asking to borrow my gold-plated residential backup generator, I'll save you the trouble: the answer is NO.

Middletown Patch was granted an exclusive Q&A email interview with FakeJeff Sunday. 

Middletown Patch: When did you enter the Twitterverse and why? 

FakeJeff Butler: I started tweeting on Wednesday afternoon after being inspired by @FakeCTLight.  I have been an admirer of Dan Lyons (Fake Steve Jobs) as well as the Fake Rahm Emanuel (Dan Sinker), but after seeing some of @FakeCTLight’s tweets I felt we in Connecticut deserved sharper wit.  Thus Fake Jeff was born.

MP: What is your current state of mind?

FJB: A mixture of fatigue and excitement.  It’s exhilarating to be getting so much attention, but it is tiring to try and be “on” while at the same time tending to personal and professional obligations.

MP: Which historical figure do you most identify with?

FJB: Personally I would suggest John Adams.  He was not a natural born leader, but possessed a razor sharp mind and a truly altruistic spirit. Many people do not realize he himself often wrote under pseudonyms in local papers, sometimes to argue both sides of an issue!

MP: Which living person do you most admire?

FJB: Nicolas Sarkozy. The man has serious personal style, is married to an incredibly chic woman and somehow manages to run a country with one of the most disputatious populations on the planet. Also, France gets most of their power from nuclear reactors and as an engineer I kind of dig that.

MP: Dinner with Steve Werbner, Andy Goodhall and Scott Slifka — what you’d serve, where — and conversation highlights.

FJB: I would guess that Fake Jeff Butler would just take everyone out to the Gold Club and try to bribe them.

In reality, were it actually me: as a gesture of humility, I would probably serve them dinner in my own home, something unpretentious but good, like braised short ribs or roast chicken.  And I would prepend the invitation with a heartfelt apologia. Dinner conversation would focus on where CL&P failed and how we could improve in the future.

MP: What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? In others?

FJB: Narcissism.

MP: What really happened to your generator?

FJB: As I said, I ran out of orphan tears to power it, and my backup-backup generator had not yet been installed because it was still being fabricated by starving African children. I am very, very disappointed (and frustrated!) at their failure to deliver on time.

Personally, my generator is fine. I was actually only without power for a couple of days, and the one I bought during Irene (when my power was out for a week) was enough to keep my household going, though it was costing me over $50/day in gas to keep it running. I offered to loan it to anyone who I thought needed it when we got our power back, but by then most of my friends and acquaintances had made arrangements of their own or had their power restored.

MP: What’s going through your mind as you watch Gov. Malloy facing the press ahead of you?

FJB: I’m fascinated as to how for the past few days Dannel and Nancy appeared to be coordinating their wardrobe. One day it was baby blue, the next it was navy.  Actually it’s a little creepy. Plus Nancy always seems to have a scowl on her face and that scares the bejesus out of me. And those stilettos! How can she walk around on them all day? It is nothing short of amazing.

That aside, I was grateful Dannel seemed so willing to jump out front and take a few arrows, effectively softening up/wearing down the press corps by the time I took the podium.

MP: On what occasion do you lie?

FJB: All men lie every day of their lives. It’s a requisite for survival.

MP: What words of wisdom do you have for residents of Simsbury, Bloomfield, Granby and Farmington?

FJB: Keep calm and carry on. Put your faith in God and trust not in your utility companies.

MP: Who really came up with the 99% by Sunday 11:59 p.m.?

FJB: It’s one of those idiosyncratic things you come up with when you are an engineer by vocation.

MP: Which living person do you most despise?

FJB: Personally I think it is a tie between Rush Limbaugh and Eric Cantor. Boehner gets a pass because I am afraid if one more person makes fun of him, he will just lose it and start crying 24/7.

MP: What would you really like to say to the press?

FJB: Thanks for all the flattering attention and keeping my feet to the fire.

MP: When and where were you happiest?

FJB: Any moment in my life before Tropical Storm Irene. Kidding aside: the day I proposed to my wife and she said yes.

MP: Is it true this is all a Jeff Butler plot to obliterate Halloween?

FJB: Yes, I am a closet diabetic and hate the fact that other people can enjoy candy with abandon at this time of year.

MP: Is it true you’ll be petitioning to excise Union, Somers and Stafford from the state of Connecticut to create a dip much like that between Granby and Suffield?

FJB: The rumors that I have sold the electrical service for these towns to a conglomerate of faceless Asian businessmen are totally unfounded.

MP: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

FJB: I would find a way to be a more telegenic person. Or get a better haircut. I’m not sure which.

MP: What’s the real reason why it took so long to restore power?

FJB: Didn’t you read my reality-based worksheet? Daddy is tired.

MP: How would you like to die?

FJB: Peacefully and in obscurity. Anything involving electricity is right out.

MP: Is it true that crews were using potatoes to power the grid when all else failed?

FJB: I deeply resent the implication that we were unprepared or that our crews are understaffed or unequipped.

MP: What happens at midnight tonight?

FJB: If all goes well, 99% of the state’s residents will have their power back, except for those who don’t. Also, I turn into a pumpkin that will be carved up by Dannel Malloy.